EBW Forever Night 1, Part 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters or series.

Extreme Bishoujo Wrestling: Episode twenty-six.

The Final Pay-Per-View: EBW Forever: Night One!

The camera fades in on the roof of the EBW Arena, deep in the heart of Japan.  Osaka's standing at the edge of the building, looking into the night sky with a smile.  She doesn't stir when the door leading down to the loading dock opens, and Ryoko climbs up, walking over to her.

Ryoko: What are you doing up here?  The show's about to start.  Haruka Gracia said we can watch it in the old General Manager's office if we promise not to attack each other.  No guarantees.

Osaka: Oh?  Thanks... I was just looking at the stars.  I mean, it's great to be home in Japan, even though there's been so much devastation and radiation and everything bad.  But the stars... I was looking up wrestling online so I could learn some new moves for our match next week, and while I did, they had some song about something being written in the stars.  Wouldn't that be hard to do?  I mean, you'd need a really, really long pencil.

Ryoko: I've been up there, actually.  Hell, my pet cabbit transforms into a spaceship on occasion.  It's pretty peaceful when you're not getting shot at.  But when someone talks about something written in the stars, they're usually talking about destiny.  Astrology and stuff.

Osaka: Oh... well, we're gonna write our own destiny tonight and next week.  Does that mean what we're gonna do is gonna be written in the stars?

Ryoko: Yeah... yeah, I guess it does.

Ryoko smiles as she goes back to the doorway and climbs back down.  Osaka fishes into her pocket, pulling out a pencil.  She looks back up and starts drawing in the air above her.  The camera fades to the ring area, where massive walls of pyro, loud rock music and waves of applause all barrel out.  The camera pans across the maximum capacity crowd slowly before focusing on the announce table, where Little Washu sits, a glass of warm tea sitting in front of her amongst her paperwork.

Washu: Well, if it's written in the stars, consider this transmission received!  This is EBW Forever: Night One, the first of our two-night series finale.  This is our huge homecoming, as we're coming live from the EBW Arena in the heart of... you know what?  There's no more need for secrecy.  The EBW Arena is located in Hokkaido, one of the smaller islands off the main island that was mostly untouched by the nuclear disaster.  Thank your chosen gods for small favors, right?  And tonight, on the first night of our goodbye, we've got some props to give out... a Hardcore Checklist match to determine the best former Hardcore champion, and Ayeka's day of reckoning as she faces Ukyo Kuonji in a Hardcore match.   And tonight's main event?  A TLC match to determine the best former Tag Team champions between the three teams that have helped elevate the status of Tag Team champions to almost as important as the main singles champion, be it Heart of Japan or Full Moon.  By the way, you might notice that tonight's show is a bit shorter than our usual Pay-Per-View.   That's mostly because the original Pay-Per-View was so massive, we had to stretch it out over two nights.  But don't worry, we've got nothing but action and extreme jam-packed into the slightly less time we have tonight.

The EBW TV theme starts playing as a swarm of lesser-known bishoujo start making their way to the ring... a total of twenty in all, giving each other dirty looks and sideways glances as they make their ways into the ring.

Washu: We kick off tonight's festivities with a 20-bishoujo battle royal.  Nobody here has ever won a title; some of them haven't even won a match before.  But the winner gets a Best of the Rest trophy as kind of a consolation prize.  For those keeping tabs at home, the 20 participants in the ring are... let me see... Anthy Himemiya, Chiharu Shinonome, Excel Excel, Faye Valentine, Hyatt Puchu, Kirika Misono, Konata Izumi, Lucia Nahashi, Maya Jingu, Meryl Stryfe, Misa Amane, Naga The Serpent, Nagi, Piyoko, Rabi-En-Rose, Rei Ayanami, Sailor Chibimoon, Sumire Takahana, Undine and Yoko Littner.  Get thrown out of the ring and touch the ground outside, and you're out.  Last one standing gets the trophy!

---

Traditionally it's impossible to cover the chaos of a battle royal in the early going, but in shocking fashion, 19 of the bishoujo all turned to face the same person... Sailor Chibimoon.  Apparently furious at the ruination of EBW at the hands of Ayeka and the Inner Senshi, all hands immediately went to Chibiusa and she was sent flying from the ring!  Immediately after Chibiusa was eliminated, Konata rolled out of the ring herself, just like at Ignition, and promptly relieved Little Washu of her announcing post.  Washu shook her hand and left through the crowd as Konata put her headset on and took her seat, getting right back in the groove of things.

Misa Amane was the first legitimate elimination, stumbling out of the ring after bumping into someone.  Chiharu Shinonome was soon after, another errant bump, followed by the bounty huntress Nagi tossing Yoko Littner out of the ring.  Nagi, however, was distracted enough by this elimination that a flying kick by Meryl Stryfe sent her reeling out.  Meryl tried to toss Rabi-En-Rose out of the ring, but as soon as she grabbed her hair Piyoko leapt over, nailing Meryl in the head with a Flying Forearm and sending her out.  Piyoko and Rabi-En-Rose then turned their sights on the other alliance in the match, Lucia Nahashi and Sumire Takahana, the Venus Vanguard.  But as Lucia started to set Sumire up for the Antiviral DDT, Undine leapt in and slammed into both of them with her titanic frame, sending both of them out at once.  Piyoko settled for grabbing Rei Ayanami by the arm and tossing her into the ropes.  Rabi-En-Rose followed up with a Flying Forearm attack, sending Rei out of the ring.  Out of the original 20 bishoujo fighting for one last shot at glory, only ten were left.

While Rabi-En-Rose and Piyoko joined up in one part of the ring, in another part Excel and Hyatt were teaming up, sending Maya Jingu flying with some choice right hands.  The titanic Undine turned towards both of them, grinning sadistically.  Behind them, Anthy Himemiya dropped to her hands and knees, and the Across agents got the hint,  Hyatt and Excel each extended an arm, joined hands and leapt forward, slamming into Undine with a Dual Clothesline that sent her tripping over Anthy and sent Undine tumbling out of the ring, taking care of the biggest threat.  Excel celebrated in the ring... but Anthy got back to her feet and promptly tossed Hyatt out, surprising Excel.

While Anthy and Excel slugged it out and Piyoko and Rabi-En-Rose waited for another opportunity, Kirika Misono actually dared Naga the White Serpent and Faye Valentine to compare bust sizes with her.  Of course, Kirika was utterly dominant in this competition, and while a surprised Naga and Faye looked down, Kirika leapt forward, slamming her chest into Naga, sending Naga into Faye and sending Faye out of the ring.  Kirika followed up with a nasty elbow to the face that sent Naga reeling out of the ring.  And just like that, there were only five left.

Rabi-En-Rose immediately ran towards the brawling Anthy and Excel, but Piyoko grabbed her by the hair from behind and tossed her out of the ring, completing her betrayal of all her former Di Gi Charat partners.  As Piyoko looked up to see Kirika's face past her giant breasts, Excel had gotten the upper hand, rocking Anthy's head with a series of bitch slaps.  Excel tossed Anthy into the far ropes and ran forward, extending her arm in a Clothesline attack.  Anthy ducked, however, and Excel went flying into Kirika, slamming into her and sending her through the ropes.  Luckily for her, Kirika landed on the ring apron.  Piyoko followed up immediately by leaping to the top turnbuckle.  The leader of the Black Gemagema Dan immediately turned away as Anthy ran over to Kirika to knock her off.  Kirika quickly slapped Anthy in the face and yanked her onto the apron by her hair, pulling her through the ropes.  Piyoko leapt off the turnbuckle, somersaulting backwards and hitting a perfect Moonsault... but instead of hitting Kirika, she ended up nailing Anthy, sending her tumbling outside.  Piyoko landed on her back on the apron, but as Kirika climbed back into the ring, Excel dropped to the mat feet-first and nailed Piyoko in the chest with a Baseball Slide, sending her tumbling out of the ring.

Excel Excel and Kirika Misono were the last two left in the ring.  The two who had actually faced off before both in singles and tag team action circled each other a bit, trying to get a good opening for a chance to throw the other one out.  Kirika actually ran forward and slammed her freakishly huge breasts into Excel's chest, sending the ACROSS agent to her rear end.  As Kirika reached down the pull Excel to feet, however, Excel lifted one foot up and kicked Kirika in the gut, doubling her over.  Excel quickly rolled to her feet and got up behind Kirika, facing the same direction she did.  She quickly stood beside her, sliding her closer arm around the back of Kirika's neck and hooking her near foot around Kirika's foot.  Excel quickly fell forward, slamming all her body weight onto Kirika's as she slammed Kirika to the mat with the Pedro Crash.  As soon as Kirika was knocked out, Excel actually grabbed her by her freakishly oversized breasts and hauled her out of the ring, tossing her out and watching as she landed chest-first on the ground outside.  Excel had won a tiny little sliver of redemption in the show's opener.

---

Konata: Congratulations to Excel.  She had a decent enough start in the beginning of EBW and had a promising looking tag team with Melfina before she got injured, but really kinda ended up floundering later on in all three divisions.  And thanks to Washu again for stepping aside and letting me do what I do best... even though Night One is gonna be shorter than Night Two, I wouldn't want to miss this for the world.  Elevated levels of radiation and aftershocks be damned, there's nowhere in the world we'd all rather be right now than right here in the EBW Arena.

Excel catches her breath and raises her hand in victory as a member of the ring crew tosses both the trophy and a microphone into the ring.  The Best of the Rest trophy is a dinky little plastic trophy that's barely the size of Excel's hand.  Excel picks it up with one finger and glares at it with apparent disappointment.  She grabs the microphone, tossing the Best of the Rest trophy to the mat.

Excel: So in the end, Excel is given this tiny little trinket as thanks for breaking her back in all three divisions, working her cute little butt off for this company since day one?  Yeah, Excel doesn't get any respect, from the first day I was here, I didn't get any respect.  Now I know how Pedro feels, except for the whole son and sexy wife part, and Excel is working on that.  But at least now, as low as Excel may feel, there are nineteen other bishoujo out there who feel even lower.  And cashing in on the suffering of others is something Excel can get behind.  So Excel will keep this cheap plastic little toy as a symbol of how hard everyone else sucks.  Hail Ilpalazzo!

Excel does her usual little salute, tosses the mic out and grabs her little plastic trophy, posing with it.

Konata: Well... you've gotta find a little pleasure everywhere, right?  Kudos to Excel.

Excel dances around and celebrates as the camera cuts to one of the locker rooms.  Sailor Moon, the Full Moon champion, is kneeling in front of Princess Ayeka, who glares down at her angrily.  Sailor Jupiter, Mars, Mercury and Venus stand in the background, watching.

Konata: Sailor Moon's Full Moon title defense against Lina Inverse isn't until Night Two...

Ayeka: So... you essentially said a couple of weeks ago that you came back to try to topple me by betraying me, but you decided you'd rather destroy the company than admit you once again failed by calling Hell Correspondence, and are just going to do what I tell you from now on because you... failed in some misguided plot to once again become the hero?

Moon: I furthered evil's ambition, Princess Ayeka.  I have to be evil.  So I will serve evil for evil's love.  I've lost the fans' love, I've lost righteousness' love, so I'll settle for evil's love.  Hell Correspondence was just a backup plan in case, Princess Ayeka...

Ayeka violently and suddenly slaps Sailor Moon across the face with an audible crack.

Ayeka: How dare you call my ambition evil!  You sad, disgusting bitch!  What if my vision for EBW was achieved and Hell Correspondence ended up destroying EBW's soul anyways?  In the end, it was my mistake for just handing you the Full Moon title.  I knew that I should have gone with my backup plan this whole time and put all my eggs in FLCL's basket, at least they get the damned job done occasionally.

Ayeka reaches up once again to slap Sailor Moon, but Mars steps up and stands in front of her.  Sailor Moon, however, stands up and gently pushes Mars to the side, willingly allowing Ayeka to slap her.

Ayeka: If you truly mean what you say, if you're truly going to be subservient from now on, then the five of you will accompany me to my Hardcore match with Ukyo Kuonji tonight when I take down that former pain in my side and thumb my nose at Those Who Decide Such Things once and for all.

Sailor Moon turns her head to the Inner Senshi and nods.  The rest of the girls nod in ascent.

Konata: This is just disgusting... we'll be right back.  Hopefully not to this.

The camera pans out of the locker room to the left hallway.  Lina Inverse stands flat against the wall right next to the doorway into the locker room, secretly listening in.  She sighs and shakes her head as the camera cuts to a break.